Noses in the Corner

Last week was a pretty normal week. We went to schools, talked to kids, and disciplined some of them for poor behavior. On Thursday night we were putting the finishing touches on a grant when the phone rang at 10:00 pm.It was a Jr. high girl who was concerned because her mother and her high school brother were arguing. The mother got on the phone, yelling, told me that her son didn't listen and that she was tired. She said she was calling the police. I asked her what her son did. He was hitting his sisters. We know this family well and what we know is that the little sisters probably hit him first. They hit us regularly. We are also having to help kids in the neighborhood or in their own homes because they hit so often. So we knew there was more to this story. I asked the mother if we could come up. She asked us if we would hurry.When we got there we sat and listened. When we got into the house it was 10:00pm. The little girls, one who is too young for school and the second in her first few years of school were still up in the back room. They were jumping on one of the beds in the bedroom, yelling laughing and making noise. We were greeted at the front door by the Jr. higher who had called us. The high school son was sitting on the floor, school books spread out in front of him, trying to study. Mom was laying on the couch, her boyfriend sitting on a chair beside her. They were watching a comedy in a different language. When we got there, Mom sat up and began telling us how mad she was at her son and why. Her son jumped into the mix and the two began yelling at each other. Robert calmed the son down and I talked to the mother. One of my main comments to her was "If you do not want him to yell at you then you need to try to keep your own voice calm." She smiled sheepishly (I have told her this many times before) and agreed with me. The five of us began to talk. Within minutes the little girls came out to give their side of the story. I asked them where they were when their brother got mad. Soon they were, without knowing it telling on themselves and both Robert & I figured out that they had begun the whole conflict but because they were little and mom didn't know how to discipline them she just wanted her older children to ignore their behavior. Robert talked to the high school young man about how to handle is anger with his sisters and what to do next time he gets angry and feels ganged up on by four women.I talked to Mom about how we discipline our children. We taught her the trick of putting children's noses in the corner to help them decide to listen. It was very interesting to us that a very normal childhood discipline, one that most if not all of us have experienced, was such a new and enlightening thing to mom and her boyfriend.Finally when we were heading home at 11:00pm. Robert told mom that the girls really ought to be in bed much earlier, many children that age are in bed by 8:00pm. This is another idea we have told mom many times but this is a normal thing. Rarely, however, are kids in any other culture put to bed early. Mom told her daughters to go to bed. The oldest one went off to bed but the youngest one turned and told her mother "No!" very defiantly. Mom started to yell, looked at us, seemed to remember, smiled and said "Go to the corner!" I showed her how to set her cell phone timer and then we waited until five minutes was up. Half way through the little girl was crying and asking to be let out. We helped mom stand firm and it was interesting the difference in the child from before the corner to after the corner.As we left the home that night I wondered to myself if that little girl would ever want to see me again or not. Sunday we went back to the home. I was greeted with a big hug from the littlest girl. I looked over at the corner and there stood the other girl in the corner. The littlest girl said "I learned, now she is. I don't like that!" Mom was quite happily implementing a new trick. We will see how it works!